interesting

how a blessing and a gift, can act as a curse in some situations.



case and point: my words.

i think i can say fairly enough that I am decent if not pretty good with words. if you and I get into an argument, dont expect to win easily, it aint gonna happen. although im trying work with my personality traits and they are getting better, they are still very much a huge part of me. poetry comes like water most times, and english papers and essays are a BREEZE. debates and anything requiring eloquence are up my alley. i guess what I am trying to say is WORDS COME NATURALLY.


^now take all that and use it for the destruction of someone. see what i mean?

i guess the group that feels the most of my wrath is my family. isn't it ridiculous how the people you love the most, you end up hurting the most? these are my official apologies, despite the fact that none of them will see:

mom: you work so hard and youre always tired when I see you. but im glad that you do that and i REALLY appreciate it. in spite of all our troubles you still manage to provide me with what i need, as well as most of my wants. im sorry that i can come across as uncaring and im sorry for all those times where it seems like im yelling at you. just because im tired or upset doesnt give me the right to treat a woman that way. youre the lady of my life, and I should do more to love you and respect you.
<3 u mom

jon: ever since you were born, we had a instant attachment. you clung to me stronger than a wad of gum to the bottom of my shoe throughout my entire life. with that said, these lines between our relationship is seeming to blur more and more the longer time passes. im sorry you were deprived of a stable childhood because of all the family issues. in some ways i blame myself for not being there if you ever needed me. since ive always had to take care of you, heres my problem: do i treat you like a friend, or do i treat you as my brother? since mom and dad arent always there, theyve chosen me as the one to care for you when theyre not around, which is almost always. im sorry for being so domineering with you and for the times when i feel like I have to yell at you to get things done. and im sorry for treating you like i would treat someone who was like me. we're very similar in so many ways, but yet we're so different. i realize now how much you look up to me. heck, you steal my clothes and shoes, copy my piano playing and singing, and even use the same facewash, cologne, and hair wax because i used them. im sorry for having so many unreal expectations for you to do. throughout everything i say, you are and will always be my baby brother. there is NOTHING i wouldn't do for you, and NOTHING i wouldnt give if you needed it. its so hard for me not to spoil you, because its my natural instinct. but for the sake of your maturing process, i will tone down on it. i love you baby jon jon.

kevin: i cant believe we're adults now. it just seems like it was yesterday when we were total buddies, hanging out all the time. before there was jon jon there was you and me kev. throughout all the time that has passed, we each grew up with so many different stories. we each had our own shares of troubles that now haunt us in the present. im sorry i dont give you as much respect as you should have and ill try to make it so thats it works out. above all, you are my brother and kuya, whom i still love very much, despite our incessant and constant arguments. remember what they said about when a unmovable object clashes with a unstoppable force? yeah. thats kind of like us and our relationship. lets try to work it out. but remember i still love you man.

dad: i guess my whole story about you is going to say im sorry. dad, you work so much and you provide me with so many things. i know our relationship has been a rocky road since the start because of so many things. remember when i was little and you used to have to spank me because i didnt want to practice? or because i always talked back? or even when in 8th-9th grade, where TWO whole years we lived isolated from everyone else and it was just you and me? there were so many things that we went through that strained our relationship. its a rough road but i think we're slowly but surely making some progress. even then, as soon as we have a high in our relationship, theres always something that one of us does that breaks that uphill curve and sends it crashing down. what can we do? either way, im sorry dad for acting like such a, i dont know how else to put it but a bitch. im a jerk sometimes and i know it. i just want you to know through my tough act and uncaring motives that i love you alot.

why must i always hurt those i LOVE the most?